


dear clay.

by maddiefaith01



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), M/M, Oblivious Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Soft Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiefaith01/pseuds/maddiefaith01
Summary: i have dreams about you, you know clay? where we’re so in love it makes us want to throw up. where you sing to me and play guitar. i guess i love sleeping so all the time now so i can go to that reality with you, a reality where you actually want me.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!! there are some very dark themes towards the end of this s3lf harm and themes of depression. Stay safe i love you bby. hi! to cope i’ve decided to make a dnf fanfic about my own personal sad love life. this is my first time ever publishing something i’ve written so please leave constructive criticism :) the story layout it basically a letter that i’ve written to someone.

dear clay, 

i don’t think i’ll be ever able to describe you fully into words. The words i wish to describe you do not exist. No word is as beautiful and as worthy to describe you. I am at complete awe of your existence. i am always at your mercy. As low as you may think of yourself, to me you are the most perfect being i’ve seen....

i have dreams about you, you know, clay?where we’re so in love it makes us want to throw up. where you sing to me and play guitar. Where we are running in fields of vibrant flowers, giggling without a care in the word. You get on my ass about sleeping all the time and ask why i choose to do that to myself. i guess i love sleeping so all the time so i can go to that reality with you, a reality where you actually want me....

You know clay, a bond like ours isn’t meant to be broken. Our souls were made for each other. We were made for each other... or so i want so desperately to believe... 

i hate it when you flirt with our friends. what i hate even more is when you laugh at their stupid jokes. especially nick, and you just let him get away with it, you encourage it. the jealously spirals in my head and creates a cloud of hatred for you. In those moments i want nothing to do with you because you have broke my heart. 

i missed you didn’t i? i missed when you did love me. maybe you have never loved me at all but in moments i’m convinced i hear it. i’m convinced i hear the love you have for me. i’m convinced when you speak to me in a soft voice when you know that i’m upset that you want me. i’m convinced when you stay up all night in discord with me just to see if i’m okay that you want me. i’m convinced i see that look in your eye when it’s just the two of us alone together. that look in your eye is the only thing i’m holding on to. i’m convinced that you care. . i know you feel something too. you just have to. we don’t have a normal relationship and you know it. there is something there that is unspoken.

clay you know you can’t keep leading me on like this. it’s breaking me.

you’re breaking me.

Maybe it is my fault. Maybe it’s my fault that i just can’t sort out my emotions. I’m so fucked in the head clay. i’m so sorry i can’t be happy for you. I want to be happy for you. I try so hard.. goddamnit clay.. i love you. I love you so much that it consumes my every thought. i finally said that i love you, are you happy clay? And what a shame that it is that i do. 

Sometimes i do wonder if you know. I wonder if you know how wrapped around your finger i am. I wonder if you know my heart and soul belong to you and only you.

I want you so badly, i truly do. oh god and how i adore you. I find myself unable to hide it anymore. i’m so tired of trying to contain myself. I cant look at you and pretend that i don’t want to run into your arms and hold you until my very last breath.

You.

You just being on this earth has taken over my entire consciousness, you have morphed my mind so that you are the only think i think about clay..

God, i want you so bad. I want to hear your morning voice. I want to hear your laugh every second of the day. I want to see your vulnerable moments. i want to see all of you.. the real you. I love you so much and i hate it. It’s a shame you don’t feel the same way.

Admitting this to you terrifies me. Even in my most darkest place where i reach so desperately for you, i’d rather stay silent for the rest of my life then loose you.

My wrists and thighs are taunting me. Taunting me to give them another taste of that oh so bitter sweet thing. But you love the color red so why shouldn’t i paint myself in it? Wouldn’t you like that clay? At least then i’d know that you love some part of me, even when the parts you love are the ones that are killing me slowly.

Today you told me about a girl you met. You told me how beautiful she was and how she took your breath away. How desperately i wish you would talk about me the way you talked about her. The joyful gleam in your eyes and the sweet pink blush lightly painted on your perfectly sculpted cheeks as you went on and on about. I wanted to be happy for you but instead i went silent and you stupidly apologized.

Don’t do that clay. 

I understand, you don’t want me.

You want more than that. She is sparkling diamonds while i am simply corner store crystals. She was more and i was less... 

love, george.


	2. useless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW s3lfh4rm!!  
> please leav criticism in comments (nice or i’ll cry)  
> drink water bby

dear clay,  
you’re being mean clay. so bitter baby..

  
i want to believe you didn’t mean what you said.

  
“oh grow up george, you’re being so fucking useless. Stop messing around and actually do something. Do you need me to come help you with that too? Since you can’t ever fucking do anything by yourself”

  
your words collapse over and over in my mind until it’s all i can think about. you’re suffocating me.  


useless...

  
you think i’m useless clay and that’s crystal clear.

Please call me and say that you didn’t mean it. That you’re so sorry and that you love me.. I don’t care if you’re lying i just need to hear the words fall from your lips. 

your lips...

how desperately i want to kiss them, even now. even with the bitter words that you so carelessly spit at me. i still want to kiss them. When i close my eyes they are all i see but i cant.

  
We can’t.

  
because you don’t want me.

  
I want to learn how to hate you. I need to learn how to hate you so i can protect myself from times like these. It all turns so dark and i feel so lost. I need you here so badly please clay i’m breaking.

  
you know the other day I listened to a song that sounded exactly how loving you feels? So sweet and tempting. I immersed myself into the melodies and danced around the harmonies. The lyrics caressed me and the music flowed behind my ears and around my face....

  
Now the melodies are laughing at me and the harmonies are no longer around me. The lyrics are cursing at me and scratching my ears.

I’m bleeding again clay, but it’s worth it. It’s worth the scars that will never heal.

i will always remember that you love the color red.

I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this.  
I’m never so dependent on others like i am with you. I don’t need anyone to stay. I don’t let myself be vulnerable but with you i am completely naked. You tore down every wall i had put up, and now i’ve grown attached to the thought of having you around and right now, you are gone and i am left without you.

You just left me here to imagine if i wasn’t useless to you. Left me here to imagine you scooping me into your arms and whispering that you are so sorry while leaving your soft marks on my neck as a silent apology, like you’re trying to give back what you took away from me. Left me here to imagine a life with you. 

And left me here dying when i cry myself to sleep, knowing that all my dreams and wishes of you will just be that.  
useless Dreams.

love, george.


End file.
